You'll note in my bump picture, I think bump looks a bit neater, and this is definitely due to lack of bloating, now I've started to eliminate problem foods. I feel much better, even though weight gain is now 15lbs :( As someone who started pregnancy overweight, my recommended gain is 15-25lbs. So I could technically stop now. Please.
Emotionally it's been another tough week. I perked myself up with a small makeup and maternity haul which I should really get round to blogging about, but I've had waves of horrible depression. As someone who has been down the path of clinical depression I know when I'm a bit low and I know when I'm really losing it, and I've been really lost a lot this week. I've got a midwife appointment on Monday so Im going to talk to her. I'm red flagged anyway due to my history so I hope she will at least be supportive, if not suggest something useful. I wish I had the time and money to do pregnancy yoga this time round as I think it helped me a lot last time on an emotional level.
A big trigger to all this was the scan and the whole 'it's not a girl' thing. As we talk more and more of life ahead with two sons I feel very lucky and grateful to be blessed with two babies, and am getting over it all, slowly. I'm also getting over the nauseating guilt that anyone could be so selfish as to have a preference. What makes it hard though is everytime I tell anyone we're having another boy, their reaction, 9 times out of 10, is something along the lines of "oh no another one?!" / "well third time lucky" / "oh what a shame not one of each." It's so infuriating, because I'm not sad at all that I'm having a son. Ollie will love it. I'm just dealing with what feels like a separate issue, that I might never have a daughter. People's insensitivity really doesn't help matters though.
Aside from that I'm ploughing on. Feeling more confident with the gorgeous Laura Mercier's Silk Creme Foundation slapped on my face and some pretty h&m tops which I feel moderately attractive again in. We went to the beach yesterday and had fish and chips and icecream and built sandcastles and my freckles have come out which always make me happy. Ollie is developing at lightening speed and a very happy, if endlessly energetic, bunny. I will do an update soon I promise.
I hope you're all well and thanks again for your support through all this. I wasn't at Brit Mums because I'm not really sure of how one goes about blogging conferences whilst trying to be anonymous. It's quite hard reading all the tweets and blog posts where others rave about their new found friends, and feeling like you're so out of it all.
I wish I could go and meet some of you, but I also feel totally content knowing that my lovely readers are there for me, and I'm there for them (which you should know, despite my being rubbish at commenting, I totally blame my phone...)
That's more special than anything. xx